The Next Chapter

I’m not entirely sure what the next chapter of my life entails, but some of it is starting to come together.

I am going to quit my day job, stay with my parents for six months, and see if I can support myself with my writing.   I considered about a thousand different plans, but this is the one that feels like it’ll lead to a happy, healthy future for me.  Getting an apartment of my own was tempting, but I still would have been juggling two jobs on top of adjusting to living alone. In the interest of my mental health, that didn’t seem like an ideal plan. Moving  back to my hometown isn’t my dream, but for six months, I think it’ll make for a softer landing while I readjust and plan the rest of my future.

I put in my notice at the day job today.  This isn’t how I wanted to quit.  What should have been a joyous moment feels weird and flat when all I want to do is celebrate it with Mr. Vaughn. It’s a strange, bittersweet moment instead.

I have insurance more or less squared away (thanks, Obama!) and it will start September 1.  My last day at the day job will be August 28.  In the meantime, I’m sorting/packing/moving.  My dad came and took a load of things home yesterday.

It’s weird and awful to dismantle the house I’ve lived in for the past 8 years.  It’s even more weird and awful to dismantle the rest of my life.  Mr. Vaughn and I are awkwardly cordial. I cry a lot. Sometimes I forget for a few minutes and when I remember it feels like I’ve been kicked in the chest.

Knowing I will be leaving a job that is causing me nothing but stress now is a major help. It allows me to feel in control of my life again.  It gives me something to look forward to.

I’ll be starting fresh in the fall.  I’ll move into a lovely room with a bay window where I’ll spend most days writing.  I think I’ll set my desk up so I can look out over the field where my parents’ horses graze.  I’ll go for walks and play with my camera and get my writing career in order.  I’ll see if I can talk my mom into taking a yoga class with me. I’ll find a therapist who can help me find ways to grieve and move on. I’ll go out with friends and make new ones and try stuff that scares me witless.

Fall has always felt like new beginnings to me and it’s my favorite time of year. I have a vision of waking up on cool, fall mornings and sipping tea while I sit down at my computer and write. It’s something to hold on to as I put one foot in front of the other and get through what needs to be done now. The remainder of the summer will be rough, but I’m starting to see the briefest sliver of a silver lining.

Earlier today, when I was talking to Christoper Koehler, he made an off-hand comment about my move to my parents’ house being a writing retreat, and I like that idea.

So for the next chapter of my life, I’m going to be at a six-month writing retreat.  And bittersweet or not, that’s definitely something to look forward to.

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11 thoughts on “The Next Chapter

  1. You’ll do great. Not that it won’t be hard, but it sounds like you’ve got the right idea and are looking for positive things instead of getting sucked into negative ones.

    You could also tell them at work you’re quitting (in part) because of some of those distasteful new policies so they see it had consequences. At least now, though, it’s not so hard to leave that job so you can move on. Harder to say goodbye to something you enjoyed doing, and this doesn’t need to be any harder than it already is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thanks. I am certainly trying.

      I did tell my boss that. She’s equally frustrated with what’s going on, but it’s at a much higher level than her paygrade. I may see if I can do an exit interview with HR and tell them.

      Overall, leaving is definitely an easy choice to make.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know you’ll be fine. I also know you can’t see that yet. But we’ll believe in you until you’re able to believe in yourself again. Your parents and their place sound wonderful. I think Chris’ idea of thinking of it as a writing retreat is wonderful. It is what you make of it – so just make it that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My thoughts are with you at this tough time.
    Having spoken via ffn reviews over time, I feel gutted, so I can only imagine how you are feeling.
    I think your writing retreat sounds perfect. It will give you the time you need and hopefully a bright future.
    I wish you the best of luck for your future.
    XXXXXX

    Like

  4. Your vision of your mornings sounds spectacular. That’s what I do now, though with coffee. Not that you’re asking for advice, but I’ll offer one thing unsolicited. Make rules for yourself with social media. When I quit my job to write full time, I got sucked into it and social media got in the way of my dream. Finding balance is hard when writing full time, but it is possible. 🙂

    Like

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